Wholly Thoughts

Hey Onesies,

Welcome to a segment called “Wholly Thoughts” where you and I consider all the thoughts related to others, self-worth and mental health. The mind can be a tricky place and although we want it to be a place where holiness resides, its doesn’t often feel that way. I’m hear to say, “That’s okay. Me too.” Most of the time the thoughts I have about myself, others or the world feel chaotic, unfinished or downright sad. I think the best way to understand the world around us is to start with self, so do this activity with me. It’s called the LIKErt Scale.

Take out a journal or make a mental note. On a scale of 1-10, currently rate how much you like/love yourself. Have the number? Great! Think on it for a second and be honest with yourself. Why did you choose your number? What or who did you consider when picking it? Did you consider factors like beauty, outer beauty, introversion vs extroversion, intelligence, emotional maturity, etc? Maybe you just picked the first number that came to mind? Is it a high number? Low? Either way, its here now and represents how you feel about yourself. If you’re so daring, leave a comment and let me know what number you picked and why. For now, I’ll go first.

I chose a 7. Not low but not too high. I will admit, it’s safe number and probably very average. I would assume most people would choose a 7, but that’s been you and the Lord. Although it is an average number, I still good secure in it. If I’m honest, me a few years ago probably would have said a 5. Not terrible, but definitely not great. Neutral. When I looked at myself from a hollistic point of view, and everything I valued, I saw a girl who was smart, but undisciplined, driven, but fearful, fit, but inconsistent and depressed, but occasionally joyful. It was like every emotion was cancelled out by another. I was unhappy with my body but I didn’t hate it. I felt good about the career goals I had set for myself, but felt overwhelmed with where to start. I was dealing with real anger and sadness for the first time in my life and I was frustrated. I was frustrated, because I was nothing like the person I thought I’d be by 25/26 years old. I didn’t hate myself, but I knew I could be so much better. I was just neutral.

Now, here’s the things about neutrality. At any moment, you can go from being a 5 to 2 or 5 to 7, but its entirely up to you. I had to sit myself down and analyze all the reasons I wasn’t reaching my potential. It all came down to one thing: my mind. The goals I had weren’t wrong or misplaced. The motivations of my heart were pure, but my mindset was distorted. My usual thought process included phrases like “I can’t,” “I don’t have enough,” “I’m not __ enough,” “I’m afraid to ask…,” so on and so forth. In short, my thought patterns were encapsulated by limitation. I had a strong negativity and fear bias that inevitably bled into my quality of life. I started with fear, so I became a fearful person. I focused on my limitations so I became a damsel in distress. If I wanted to change how I felt about myself, i had to change my mind.

For the last few years, I worked to do exactly that. I made a list of all parts of myself I wanted to be different changed the way I thought about them. When at the gym, instead of saying, “my balance sucks,” I chose to say, “I am working to make my balance better.” Instead of saying “my writing isnt good enough,” I choose to say “it doesn’t need to be perfect, it only needs to be written.” I know its a small change. Maybe even obvious to you, as the reader, but for me, this was life changing. This mindset shift is what got me from a 5 to a 7. It’s why I no look in the mirror and think “hey this is a pretty cool chick.” It’s what gave me the courage to start writing and the audacity to share it. Don’ get me wrong, negativity still creeps in, but now I know what do with it.

On this day, whenever you’re readying this post, I challenge you to do the same. If you’re not happy with your number on the LIKErt scale or there areas that could be improved, start with your mind. Make a list, change the way you think, and see how you transform. Most importantly, be patient with yourself. Loving the whole version of us isn’t a microwavable process. I venture to say, its a lifelong journey.