The UNMARRIED Homeowner

Hey Onsies,

It’s a wonderful Saturday night in December and I decided to share some great news…I bought a house! More accurately, WE bought a house. Who is “we” you might ask? That’s correct: me, and my 2 roommates. We bought a house. I won’t bore you with all the details of house hunting, realtors and down payments (although it is a pretty wild story for another day). This post is all about the Signing Day. The day I was reminded about the unconventionality of my life. At this point, if your life looks remarkably different than you imagined, you’re in good company.

As I mentioned, it was “signing day,” which means the three of us were sitting in a large echoing conference room, ready to sign the largest stack of papers I had ever seen in my life. The night before, Isabel and Korey had asked what outfit I planned to wear on our big day. Admittedly, clothing choice was not something I’d considered in the house buying process, nor did I think it was important. Hilariously, I joked about wearing my signature outfit of a hoodie, jeans and tennis shoes. But then, sitting in the slightly eerie, silence of a half-empty meeting room, among squeaky office chairs, and the quiet etching of pens on paper, I was grateful I opted for a more professional look.

Fighting the urge to bite my lip or furiously cap and uncap the pen in my hand, I sat patiently as our Notary prepared the documents. As she slid them over to us, one by one, I was reminded of the same phrases we had heard throughout this entire process.

“Sorry, I’ll have to add another line to this document because they usually only have room for 2 people.”

“Wow, you all must have alot of trust in one another to buy a house.”

“Is that a good idea? What if one of you gets married?”

At that point, it felt like I had heard every opinion a person could hear about us buying a home together. Of course, they weren’t all bad. Some of our more progressive friends said things like,

“Oh wow, I love that you’re doing that! Women shouldn’t wait on a man to do the things they want to do!”

“The housing market is so expensive now, its crazy you need three people to buy a house. It’s cool you all are making you’re own little family.”

Then, my personal favorite (I mean this sincerely, so no sarcasm attached).

“Yes, all girls. No men!”

As you can read, the spectrum of responses varied, but one trend was abundantly clear: We were NOT the norm. No matter your perspective, three single women, purchasing a home together at the age of 29 is nothing short of unconventional. Heck, in Arizona, they still have rules declaring similar spaces a brothels! Its actually illegal. Well, I can tell you our home is certainly NOT a brothel. However, we are missing about 2.5 kids, a husband and a white picket fence. We do have a dog though! Anyway, the point has been made that our choice to buy a house was far from usual, and on signing day, it was really starting to show.

After signing my life away on, what felt like, a thousand sheets of paper, we finally got to the last few pages. Almost every document had our first and last name on it, but this one had the most important identifier. In capital letters, the document read, “SYDNI COOK, AN UNMARRIED WOMEN.” I can’t say I was initially shocked because I had seen an electronic version of this document earlier in the day. (Nowadays, alot formal documents are signed electronically). Even still, the feels I had reading it the first time started to rush back in. Shock, humor, offense, wonder, steadfastness, contentment, and every emotion under the sun.

It was so strange. I was so excited about the decision we were making, but there was a grief I hadn’t expected. Like most women, I envisioned buying my first home with my husband. We would be like those young couples on House Hunters who recently got engaged, were planning a wedding and somehow had enough money to buy a 500,000 dollar house on a combined income of 70k. It would be the house I’d raise my kids in until they moved out. Eventually, we’d sell it and downsize to be closer to our grandkids. I know, cute story.

Turns out. This wasn’t my story. Turns out. For me and my fellow Zillennials, the economy has tanked a couple of times, interest rates are sky high, social security is running out, the cost of living is higher than Snoop Dog (Snoop Lion, my bad) and the “Gender Wars” are creating a rift between men and women that’s so deep, even Bob the Builder cant fix it. Welp, that’s one dream deferred. Of course, there are those who fulfilled the dream. I see people on my timeline everyday who got married, bought the house and are having kids. To be honest, its not many.

If there is anything I’ve learned in the last few months, its that life rarely turns out the way you envision. The good part is that there is beauty in every outcome. My life still looks like an HGTV show, but instead of House Hunters, its more like Flip this House. I take what’s in front of me, gather a good team, and work to create the vision God set before me. Of course, there will be detours, unexpected problems, relational fallouts and financial hang ups, but the end result is always beautiful. Building from the ground up is hard work.

This is not to say buying an existing house with a spouse is any easier. Its just different, but different can still be beautiful. There is no blueprint. There is only the path that’s best for you and best for me.

So, staring down at my name next to words, “UMNARRIED WOMAN,” I can honestly say I laughed. I laughed because I was grateful for the freedom to make a decision that defies societal standards. Many of our grandmothers would have killed to buy a house with their friends. I laughed at how being a single women over the age of 30 is still considered a form of civil disobedience. I laughed thinking about all the shenanigans and lovely memories I’d get to create with my friends in our place. I laughed about being 30 and finally having my own bathroom. I laughed thinking about how God’s favor was shining on us the entire time. Ultimately, I laughed because I had peace.

The last few years of my life have felt like one big renovation, but I have so much peace with how its turned out. Back in that meeting room, I used my pen to sign the last few housing documents and smiled to myself. I am an “Unmarried Homeowner” and that’s okay. I think its actually pretty cool. To anyone feeling insecure about their current state of life, embrace it. Take what’s in front of you and build something new. Yes, whatever you build will look much different than the person next to you and not everyone is going to like your choices. The truth is, they don’t need to.

I KNOW there are people who think I’m crazy, but I don’t care. I’m sitting at a dilapidated kitchen table, next to a one-eyed snowman, in our brand new 4 bedroom house. It’s a beautiful mixture of the old and the new, but I couldn’t be more proud of it. Your story is probably different than mine. You may not be an “unmarried homeowner,” but maybe you’re walking through a blessing that manifested differently than you hoped. Whatever your “signing day” moment is, don’t be afraid to feel all the feels. It’s okay to be both happy and sad about the status of your life. Right now is not what you expected and grief accompanies unmet expectations. However, I can confirm that on the other side of grief is great wonderment. Embrace the wonder. You’re life is different and that’s beautiful.