Pouring from an Unful-filled Cup

Hi Onesies,

It’s the beginning of a new year, so naturally I find myself in a state of reflection. It’s crazy, but somehow I already find myself feeling exhausted. Somehow, my cup already feels empty. I know. I said it was crazy! Unfortunately, these thoughts and feelings aren’t new, but right now, my perspective on them is different. I’m sure we have all heard the concept of  “full vs empty cups,” yes? Well, for the sake of inclusion, I’ll run through it again.

I’m not sure if the concept was coined by a mental health professional or a spunky social science expert but somewhere along the line, we started to compare the human body to a cup. It has the ability to carry things: emotions, thoughts, dreams, energy, etc. Like a cup, our bodies and spirits have the ability to pour things out of us as well. Usually, it’s into work, people, relationships, arts, etc. In turn, our spirits also need to replenish what we’ve lost, so the goal is to refill our cups with activities that make life worth living.

Unfortunately, in our Western, hustle-minded, 9 to 5 culture, we have become accustomed to pouring out and stagnant in our pursuit of being refilled. We have learned how to operate with the smallest amount of liquid instead of resting while our cup is being filled up again. To be clear, when I say “we,” I am referring mostly to myself. I am and have been one of the worst culprits of this crime. However, I’m happy to write I’m much better than I used to be. In the past few years, I’ve learned how to say no, where to expend my energy, and the type of people with whom I should spend my time.

I guess you could say I’ve learned “level one” of what we can call the Cup Conundrum. I thought as long as I could recognize my limits and be mindful about what opportunities I poured into, I would always be fulfilled. However, the last few months have taught me a very valuable lesson: sometimes, the activities you’re required to pour into, don’t fill you back up. Let me explain…

In recent months, I have been extremely unfulfilled working my regular 9-5 job. Although I love Higher Education, I felt my season in this industry has come to an end. Unfortunately, my current state of life has not moved in a direction where I could leave my job and confidently remain financially stable. Even worse, if I chose to leave my job, I’m not sure what kind of job I would move into. As they say, I’m at an impasse. At the end of each work day, I  find myself with an empty cup and very few methods to refill it.

 Maybe its because I’m still in the early stages of  life, but this is an extremely unexpected revelation in my life. I had heard of people feeling unfulfilled at a “dead end job,” but it was mostly married people with kids. In other words, people with real responsibilities. People whose life choices would affect more than just them.  Yes, I technically have a mortgage and roommates, so the concept of quitting my job and “throwing caution to the wind” is not exactly a viable option. However, I am also young and single. In theory, I could move, adjust or start over, as many times as I like. Right? Well, instead of feeling empowered to take life by the horns, I find myself thinking about work and words like “exhausting, arduous, unchallenged and thankless” would come up. According to a quick google search, Americans, on average, will spend a third of their adult lives working. Again, the “hustle culture” is in full effect.

Call me crazy, but shouldn’t something that takes up so much time be fulfilling? I’m not naive enough to think I should always be happy at work or that I won’t have to make sacrifices, but tomorrow is not promised. A third of our lives is a long time. So what do we do? What do we do when we find ourselves pouring into something that’s not pouring back? In my experience, it helps to find things that make your heart sing and invest in them.

Yes, its true my main job is not something that fulfills me, but I have found many other things that do. Writing this blog, being a Group Fitness Instructor and serving at church have all been very life-giving for me. I love how sharing a story or random thoughts, like these, can help a distressed stranger. If you can’t tell, mission driven work is extremely important to me. Knowing the work I do has an impact means the world to me. Sure, all of these “jobs” require preparation, time and money, but each person I help is an extra drop in my very dry cup. For me, its worth it.

In the reverse, and at the risk of sounding paradoxical, I remind you: Tomorrow is not promised. In the same way Americans traditionally spend a third of our lives working, young people, in their 20s, are currently at an increased risk for heart attacks, cancer, depression, etc. In other words, we’re stressed and we’re doing too much. Yes, the state of the economy and our never-ending pursuit of the “American Dream” are partially responsible for the stress, but even activities that make you happy can push you past capacity. I’ve had to exist in the paradox of doing what makes me happy but not doing so much that I won’t live long enough to be happy. I know, quite the conundrum.

As I’ve stated, helping people fills my cup, but helping people is also costly. As someone who was notorious for overcommitting and making sacrifices so others could thrive, I’ve had to make the hardest adjustment of my life thus far: prioritizing myself. Although my side activities are worth the sacrifice, I’ve had to be realistic about my level of capacity.

 Do I wish I was an infinite source of energy so I could help forever? Yes. Is this mindset part of a developing Savior Complex? Probably…I’m working on it! Unfortunately, God has made us finite human beings. Eventually, we are going to hit a limit. It’s wild. I never thought we could hit capacity on the things we love. Again, maybe my age is showing.

I write all this to say, if you’re in a place where you are learning to balance what’s in your cup, you’re not alone. Some of the ways I’m working to prioritize myself are by doing things that exclusively pour into me. In other words, they require little to no sacrificial effort. It’s been big activities like going to concerts, scheduling a cruise, hosting a party, etc. Its also been small things like going for a walk, reading an extra chapter in my bible or watching a new tv show. I spend time doing things I want to do and will directly benefit me. The key is understanding that prioritizing myself doesn’t make me a selfish person. It doesn’t make you selfish either.

Ultimately, when I walk into my group fitness class or show up for work or plan an event at church, I want to show up with my best self. I can’t do that if I’m walking around with a leaking cup. This is my advice to you: Have fun and lean on God. Although we are a finite source, God is forever infinite. He has no limits. When you’re operating on little strength and your cup is consistently low, look to him to fill you up. Do things that make you happy, but remember even things we love can drain us. Don’t be afraid to prioritize yourself, because when you are the best version of yourself, you’re the best version for everyone else.